Big Car + Small Parking Garage = Bad

Hee Hee.... This is funny now. This was NOT funny then. (Well, I kinda thought it was a little funny then...) :)

Both in Brussels and Paris, at both hotel parking garages... our car was too tall. I guess technically our car plus the roof top carrier thingy was too tall. Minor detail that I've never thought about before, but you can be sure that from now on I will check hotel parking restrictions. What a pain!

We were told that our car would not fit and that we would have to take the carrier off. I decided that maybe we could make it, I thought maybe the "restriction height" was more of a "safety precaution" or a "suggestion". :) Nope, turns out the "restriction" height was pretty darn accurate.

It was just that the thought of unattaching the roof top carrier sounded so miserable so we thought we'd try to fit anyways. We got into the parking garage by shoving the garage door up a bit as Paul squeezed his Giant BMW in. We felt pretty hopeful... WHOO HOOOO!!! ...but not really. That got us in, but then we were surrounded by concrete overhangs and there was no way we were squeezing those out of the way.

So at 11:00pm, after driving seven hours, with four tired children we are now unloading the whole roof carrier and taking it off the roof. Then Paul got to carry it to the -4th parking level, which was the EASY job because, I had to drive.

This parking garage had the tightest of spiraly ramps on earth. I got to the -2nd floor and got stuck in the spiral. I couldn't go up, I couldn't go down. I was just stuck. By the time I was done, I had wedged myself into the worst position possible and I was pretty irritated. The car is beeping at me from every direction because both bumpers were within inches of the concrete walls both in the front and back. I was seriously stuck. So I just sat there and waited for Paul to save us. I still don't even understand how he got us out. I happily carried the roof top thingy the rest of the way down.

Once at the bottom of the parking dungeon we had to manipulate the car into a spot in which we had centimeters to spare on either side of the car. That was also fun.

I won't talk about scraping the corner of our front bumper on the last spiral OUT of the evil Paris Parking Garage. It's not a laughing matter quite yet and therefore off limits for making fun of. However, if I was going to mention it, I would have to mention that I did NOT do it.

Oh, more Roof Top Carrier fun...

As we were leaving Hamburg the car was loaded and ready to go. All we had to do was lock the carrier closed.

Long story short... the key broke in half and it ended up locked closed on top of the car. Fine, but we needed to open it when we got there so we had to deal with it. My engineer figured out how to use half of the key in combination with some big pliers and a screwdriver. Using this ghetto method we were able to lock and unlock it with some consistency so we thought we were all good... Off we went, with half a key and some other tools/weapons in case we had to pry it open at the hotel ...which we did.

On our last day in Paris, our half a key trick finally wore off. So Paul, with sincere hatred, beat the roof top carrier until it opened. It was now "unlocked", but had a hole where the lock thingy used to be. Hmpf. We had some straps so we strapped it closed and went about our travels. I'll happily say goodbye to it.

Fun Times...

Ich habe Krabben!

I bought crab legs at the grocery store... Real crab too, King Crab. Konigskrabben!

This is a HUGE deal! I haven't seen crab legs for sale anywhere in Denmark or Germany... and I've actually looked with some intent since they are one of Michaela's favorites. I've even tried the harbor docks and fish markets.

But I found them at a plain ole' grocery store today.

It wasn't until I got home and was on the phone with a friend and I was telling her my proud story of buying crab that I realized how silly it was... and the fact that it seemed like a normal event in my day now makes it all the more funny to me. :)

Sierra and I had gone to the store. We walked by the fish section and saw this massive crab looking thing sitting on ice with a sign that even I could translate, "Konigskrabben 4.80 euro, 100 grams"!! WHOOO HOOOO!!!

I still don't have a good concept of how much 100 grams is, especially when it comes to a pokey, shelled crab... so I just pointed to the crab and said "Guten Tag, Ich mochte Krabben Bitte".

Simple enough, but here is where it gets complicated. :)

See, I only wanted the legs and now the Fish Lady seemed to be asking me how much I wanted. So, still feeling confident, I said, "nur die legs" No sense in making her think I knew German, that often just confuses things, but "nur" means only... and when I said "legs" I pointed to my own leg. (I often play charades on a daily basis to communicate.)

I thought I had done good, but Fish Lady had no idea what I was talking about. I'm now trying to point to the crab's legs, but I'm fenced off a good 15 feet from the woman who is now holding the crab. I tried to get a little closer so show her, but she backs up and is now swinging the crab around and talking in German as if I've breached the Fish Security Perimeter.

We now have a crowd because, seriously, this crab is HUGE and POKEY and UGLY and it's an animal that many people probably haven't seen since I've been looking for it for years...

So. German Fish Lady swinging MY crab around, mad at ME for some reason... I'm still stuck saying, "nur legs" because it's all I know. Now I find my self balancing on one leg in order to show her my other leg. "Nur legs, Ich mochte nur legs bitte. Alles das Legs, die legs? der legs??".

I'm basically doing the hokey pokey at the fish section of the grocery store... in front of a huge crowd of Germans who are watching the Angry Fish lady refuse to sell me this enormous, spiked creature.

**Little side note to Sierra's participation in this event. She is standing behind me, with our cart, hiding her head in her hands, saying... let's go mom." :) No way am I leaving without the legs. It's now a game.

Anyways, I stop "shaking it all about" and say "Bitte, alles Legs" again... because the Fish Lady had seemed to listen to that. She says, "yes, alles" and slams the entire crab on the scale.

Fine, I'll buy the whole dumb thing... The kids will think it's fun to see anyways. 60 EUROS!??? AHHHHH! No! :) Nein Danke! Now the lady is smiling... I'm not sure if she thought it was funny or if she was just being smug that I wasn't getting the crab.

Now a Fish Man from the back hears my "AHHHHHH" and comes up to help. I've never been so appreciative of broken English before! He looks at me like I'm stupid and asks, "You eat the head?"

sigh...... "No, I just want the legs, but I thought I had to buy the whole thing. Can I just buy the legs?" ... way too fast for him. "Nur Legs", I try?

AND WHALLLA. He goes to the back rips the legs off of the animal and brings me four legs in a plastic bag! HA! Take that Fish Lady! 15 minutes and 17.00 euros later and I have four fresh crab legs!

It wasn't until I got home and Sierra was telling her "mom-is-so-embarrassing" story to Happy that I realized how much money I spent on just four crab legs. Then Happy went to the fridge to check out my prize.

He showed me the bag and said, "Are these the legs?". I said yes quite proudly, but then I suddenly realized the bag was much smaller than a bag of crab legs should be. Costco crab legs are way bigger AND much cheaper.

I then realized that at an undetermined point in the whole process of buying the crab legs, my motive changed. It wasn't about getting to EAT the crab legs. It became a challenge for me to just GET them. ...and I DID!

So I won. Today, I beat Germany. I get 38 points.

...and fresh crab legs.

...that my husband has put in the freezer. :)

All mine.

I am now laughing again just thinking about it.

I got a secret tip that Doritos were at Lidl, a grocery store here. I picked up the kids afterschool and quickly drove to Lidl. I left the kids in the car. Since I had already been to two grocery stores earlier in the day I knew I'd be quick. ...just go in, look for the American Chips, and get out.

There they were....

They were only 1 EURO! In Denmark they would be at least 30 kroner, $6.00, 8 euro!! I grabbed all the bags I could carry and went to the check out aisle. I was wishing I had kids to help carry bags. I dropped off my prized Doritos on the little conveyor belt, said excuse me in English to the people behind me, and went back for more. I went back twice to fill my hands with Dorito bags. I felt like an idiot. Then I starting laughing. Then I felt like a bigger idiot.

I was by myself, now laughing out loud uncontrollably... Tears in my eyes laughing... Couldn't even talk laughing... Even as I'm typing now I'm laughing thinking about it. Paul is looking at me weird because I'm laughing so hard right now sitting next to him on the couch. I have no idea why I found this so funny, but it was even more embarrassing that I was standing in the store now in tears from laughing so hard. They probably though I was on drugs or something.

Either way, I got my Doritos and I only feel mildly guilty for taking them all. The guilt is quickly overcome by the yummy taste of Cool American chips...

Fork Nazis

This weekend was busy.

Friday we went to Jumboland in Aalborg for a birthday party. (Happy 6th Birthday Paige!) Saturday we went to a friends house in Horsens for dinner. (Thanks for a great meal Kerstin and mother!) Sunday we had three couples over for lunch (Thanks for driving over here my blogging friends.) and then I went out to a birthday dinner for a friend... (Happy 22nd Birthday Lindsey, I'm glad we are both 22 now) My aren't we social little butterflies. :)

My hilarious story of the weekend... so funny. We went to Mackies for dinner Sunday night. Mackies is an American style restaurant in Aarhus right near the big church. It's decorated like a wanna-be Applebees with stuff all over the place and they serve pizza like a wanna-be California Pizza Kitchen. Anyways, they have a "rule" that you can't eat your pizzas or hamburgers with a fork an knife like Danish people do. American restaurant, American customs... "Oh, isn't that funny we ate our overpriced pizza with our hands. ha ha ha ha", says the Danish person.

This is the story:Four of us ordered pizza, including me, and one of us ordered salad. My lack of functioning front teeth means I cannot bite a pizza, I knew I would have to cut it into a piece to get it into my mouth. We had mentioned this to the waitress when we ordered and she said, "No, cutting the pizza is not allowed." We explained my teeth situation... "big scary pogo-stick, concrete floor, ghetto wire holding teeth in place". The waitress was pretty adamant, "No, cutting the pizza is not allowed." We didn't think much of it, she left, we waited for our food.

The food arrived and my salad friend was the only one with a fork and knife. So, like a good mommy, she started to cut my pizza for me so I could eat. WHOA! Waitress is now freaking out.. "NO CUTTING PIZZA!!" "I told you you can't cut the pizza!!!" "STOP CUTTING THE PIZZA!" Short of jumping up and down she was having a full on temper-tantrum ...Salad friend keeps cutting the pizza. Angry waitress is now near tears, "That fork and knife is not for the pizza!" "You have to stop right now!!" ...Salad friend is now cutting faster while explaining it's our pizza... We inform the waitress again that I am physically incapable of biting the pizza. I tell her I will eat it with my hands but I have to get it into small pieces first. Salad friend is still cutting...

The friendly atmosphere quickly disappears... :) The waitress now officially hates us and every other American in the world. We are telling her it's our pizza, it's no big deal, that I have broken teeth... She is saying I should have ordered something that came with a fork then. This is seriously the most hilarious thing EVER. I'm laughing so hard and I can't believe that our waitress is SO UPSET! We told her to send the manager out thinking he would be a reasonable person. Nope, he's crazy too. ...but by now Salad Friend is finished cutting my pizza and I am showing him my willingness to eat it with my fingers.. He rambles on for a good minute in Danish. (A full minute of angry Danish is a lot..) He stops and then we tell him we don't speak Danish. He mutters some English and eventually leaves us and we finish eating. :) ...and we got a different waitress.

TOO FUNNY. I still can't believe this happened. We are plannning another dinner to Mackies with every American we can find, we will bring our own forks and on the count of three we will cut our pizza into tiny pieces. We will put a piece of pizza on the fork, hold it high in the air and yell SKOAL. ...then we'll probably turn and run from the restaurant before that crazy manager comes out.

:)

Corn Dogs!! Yippie

First attempt at a corn dog --------------------------> Final corn dog made. They gradually got a little better. :)


HA. I tried to make corn dogs. I'll try again, but I'm willing to share my first attempt. This is something that one shouldn't have to make from scratch... right up there with pie dough. Just go to Safeway, pay $6, take your frozen box of 20 corn dogs home, microwave one for 60 seconds, ENJOY!!!

Making them from scratch was a long and messy process that in theory was simple enough, but let's just say this was the trial run - now we have a better idea of what to do.

First "oopsie" as Scotty would call it... I made the oil so hot that the needle on the thermometer sped past 180 and did another loop and passed 180 again... and that little needle never really stopped. I didn't realize oil could be so hot!! (and yes I've been told it will explode, that would have been "big oopsie #2".)

I simply thought that the corn dog would just cook faster for my hungry children in the hotter oil so I plopped the hot dog in. ...The moment that wiener hit the oil it turned dark brown and the stick burnt in half. At this point we determined hot oil to be one of the most dangerous things ever brought into this house and the kids were banned from entering the kitchen for the rest of the cooking process.

We cooled off the oil for a good 30 minutes and tried again. It went okay after that. Nobody got burnt so as far as I'm concerned it was a success. Scotty did eat three of these creations, but then again, he probably can't remember what a real corn dog tastes like. The girls gave their approval, maybe we'll try again... maybe.

MINI DOGS

This was my great plan to make "mini corn dogs". Before I started this I envisioned freezing them and later just heating them up as a wonderful afternoon snack. HA. I ended up just dumping them all in at once and stirring like a giant oil & hot dog soup.

My Tree and Me

O' Christmas Tree, O' Christmas Tree...

I have had my Christmas tree sitting in my driveway since December 31st. It is now very dead and prickly AND covered in snow, but I have held onto it so i can take it back to the store to get my 150 kroner back ($30). ...or so I thought!

When I bought the tree at Bauhaus they gave me a coupon and said if I bring the tree back they will give me my 150 kroner back. "Great Deal" said I, and I tucked my coupon away in a special place.

Today... feeling very proud that I had not lost the coupon (although I nearly washed it yesterday), I attached the prickly, dead tree to my volvo roof with some bungee cords. *Note: Do not use bungee cords to attach large, dead, heavy, prickly things to your rooftop. Once I was bleeding and could no longer feel my fingers I was satisfied it was attached securely. ...actually I knew it was pretty sketchy but I figured I'd drive slow.

So off I go,
in the snow,
driving slow,
but the wind did blow,
and I said, "Oh No". :) hee hee

Yep, tree was now dragging behind the car attached only by a bungee cord hooked to a branch. I contemplated continuing like that. ...maybe just pretend I didn't see it hanging by a bungee cord off the back. ...maybe it would fall off and I'd just keep driving.... BUT, NO. I was taking it back to the store to get my $30!

I stopped and reattached it. ...now I am covered in dirty car dirt because I had to crawl up on top of the silly car and the special bonus was that for a while I had my cold finger stuck in between the tightly pulled bungee cord and the pokey tree branch. ow.

Off I go again and I finally arrived at the store with a new hatred for this tree that I once decorated so lovingly.

I took my receipt inside and gave it to the guy I told him I had my Christmas Tree with me. He just looked at me and I thought he didn't speak English. So I repeated, "I have tree" and pointed at mt reciept. He looked at me for a while more... I now noticed I was covered in pine needles. He then said, "Why?"

Turns out you don't need to take the tree to the store. He didn't want my tree. The receipt was really a gift card that I could use to buy 150 kroner worth of things in the store. O. K. At least I got to wander through the homedepot-like store and spend $30. Problem was that I didn't want any tools. I thought maybe a flashlight would be handy but it was 700 kroner for a good one!

I ended up getting a Harry Potter poster for Michaela, a snow shovel for Sierra, a ruler for Scotty and some pink square pots that were on sale. :) Pretty good trade for a dead tree... problem was I didn't trade. I still had the tree.

I took it to the dump and saw the place where Christmas trees go do die. It was almost sad to see a huge pile of dead prickly trees that people once danced around singing. :) I was more than happy to unstrap my tree and toss it in the pile though. :)

I'm buying a smaller tree next year.